Let's All Strive for Confidence

from Note to Self

I love this illustrated quote from Note to Self. Not only is it a lovely, understated illustration, but the quote is especially timely as I close out 2012, a year in which- I admit- my self confidence was shaken significantly. 2012 was a year of major change: a new city, a new job, new people, new everything, I expected things to be difficult and knew they would be, but was ready to compare the experience to going away to college, when in fact- for me- uprooting our lives turned out to be far more difficult than just moving a couple of hours south and coming home on the weekends- who would have thought? I am not the kind of person to make friends immediately. Which is not to say I'm not friendly, I at least like to think I am, but I don't like being in the center of a room, and I'm much more comfortable observing. It takes a long time for me to feel close to people, to feel comfortable around people, it took me years to cultivate the close relationships I have with my friends back home. The transitional period between leaving what I knew and loved, to feeling comfortable in my new environment was far rockier than I expected, partially because we uprooted ourselves so suddenly (three weeks between finding out I got the job, to driving through the tunnel and glimpsing Pittsburgh for the first time), but also because- and I didn't realize this straight-away- we had really, truly become part of a community in Massachusetts. So, suddenly living in a new city surrounded by new people shook me, I turned inward and put too much stock in strangers' perception of who I was, rather than what I knew myself to be. That sudden lack of confidence and constant questioning quieted me, I felt as if I had nothing to offer, as if I was interrupting the lives those around me. Looking back on this past year, I'm sorry to say that I dulled myself down in many ways, and the only person to blame is myself. The younger, combat-boot-wearing, profanity-spewing, die-hard-feminist me of my early 20's would have been disappointed. Really disappointed, and probably pissed. I wish I could say what the turning point in this story was, that there was a moment of clarity, but all I can say is that somewhere in the past five months or so, I've shifted my perception and I feel damn better. Perhaps it was less time spent with technology? A little time alone with your own thoughts, with your own feelings never hurts.

So, I know this was a tangent, and at this point, this diatribe is not even necessarily related to the quote itself (I've never had a problem with looking silly in real life, in many ways it's a crutch). But I hope you'll join me in taking on 2013 with confidence, knowing that your opinion of yourself matters more than the opinion of those around you. In most ways I'm proud of who I've become, but it wouldn't hurt for me to borrow a little of that balls-to-the-wall attitude of 20 year-old me. Extremely questionable, slightly scandalous fashion choices not included.